She was down for the count, face first into the mud. She’d fallen for the enemy’s trick yet again! She should have known better, she had been trudging through the mud for the past 34 years. Had it really been 34 years? She could still remember when she had first received her shiny new soldier’s fatigues. How she wore them with such pride. How she had been ready, willing, determined and able!
“Yes let’s go kick enemy butt!” She had said courageously puffing up her chest and ready to spring forward.
Had that really been 34 years ago? There had been a spring in her step and determination in her eyes. That was when she hadn’t personally known that the enemy would not fight fair. It had not occurred to her that he and his dominions had been studying her since birth. Knew her every weakness and temptation, she had not thought the battle would be so vicious. But the enemy did not fight fair.
Her army fatigues were faded. She was weary, though still she pressed on. She had to. She believed in what she was fighting for. She had loved ones that (although they didn’t know it) were counting on her. She couldn’t give in, couldn’t give up. She had to stay focused. Her steps were ordained by God.
There were times when the mud on the road got thick, so think she had compared it in her head to what it must feel like to walk in molasses. Sometimes it pulled at her body giving her the sensation that she was sinking, like that of quick sand.
“Give in, give up.” The mud seemed to say as it pulled her body down deeper into it, sometimes as high up as her thighs. There were times when she could hear the enemy taunting her, “Who do you think you are? Do you really think He can use you??? Your sins are ever before you. Why remember when you did this? Or when you did that? You weren’t thinking of Him then were you?” And the enemy would laugh a malicious laugh.
“GOD!” She would cry out as the battle sometimes got too heated, “Abba Father! Jesus I neeeeeeeed YOU!!!!” Then she would feel the mud drop its hold from her.
She cringed at temptations she had given in to, the times when she had followed not what her commander had instructed, but had gone by her own feelings, times when she had lost focus and gone off course. Those were the times where she had just wanted to stop and wallow in the mud. But she couldn’t because the cost was too high. She had willfully enlisted, on her own accord. And even when she was at her weakest moment – she still believed. Deep in her heart she knew that because she had given Christ her heart. She knew that it wasn’t her strength – but HIS.
There were times when she just wanted Him to hurry up and call them all home, but she knew that was selfish. There were still many who needed to hear the truth. To hear the message and be set free. The battle would continue on until God deemed it OVER. It was already FINISHED, but until He said it was over she would keep going. Keep praying, keep, fighting, keep believing.
She had her weapon firmly in her hand – The Word of God. Over the course of the 28 years a lot of it had gone from the pages of the Bible into the depth in her heart for her to call upon her promises whenever the battle got heated. Oh how the enemy cringed when she spoke out her promises out loud.
“I will trust in the Lord with ALL my heart and I will *not* lean to my own understanding. In ALL my ways I will acknowledge Him and He will make straight my path!” (Proverbs 3:5) (Emphasis, her own for she had personalized it…) After all, THIS was personal…
She had gotten to the point where she (more often than not) could recognize the enemy’s tactics, as they often resorted to the same tricks over and over again. Sometimes they worked and she would have fall into the trap to regain her footing. She was 55 years old. She had enlisted 33 years ago, which still left 22 years of old habits and old ways of thinking to muddle through. Never had it been easy. She would get mad at herself for falling for the same trick and temptation over again. She had always been for the motto, “fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice – shame on me.” Sometimes she had literally walked right into it. How humbling it was realizing she had fallen for the same trick yet again.
“Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me. Then I will teach transgressors your ways, so that sinners will turn back to you.” (Psalms 51:10-13).
“I’m tired Lord,” She would state when the going got particularly rough.
“Not by power, not by might, but by My Spirit, says the Lord.” (Zechariah 4:6)
“I’m tired Father…”
“But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.” (Isaiah 40:31) Would come the response.
Every step of the way her leader would speak words of encouragement. Unbeknown to her was in the spiritual realm the angels that fought in front and behind her. She stood not alone. To her right and back and front were others who had heard the calling and had on their own accord enlisted the same as she. She knew the number of her days God would fulfill. Her life’s purpose all about Him, although the battle at times got fierce, and she got weary, she would continue fighting as long as the Lord commanded her to fight.
“For the Lord himself shall descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trump of God: and the dead in Christ shall rise first: Then we which are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds, to meet the Lord in the air: and so shall we ever be with the Lord. Wherefore comfort one another with these words.” (1 Thess, 4:16-18).
She loved Him, completely with all her heart, with all her soul with all her mind, in spite of all her faults and imperfections. But it was never about her being “perfect.” No, there was only One who was perfect and that was Jesus. How could she not love Him? He had given His life for her. The keys to winning the battle was to acknowledge that it was nothing but His grace, His forgiveness, His mercy, His love and His sacrifice that kept her going. When she was at her weariest she would think on these words:
Yet I will exult in the LORD, I will rejoice in the God of my salvation. The LORD God is my strength— he will make my feet like those of a deer, equipping me to tread on my mountain heights. (Habakkuk 3:18-19)
You see, it wasn’t until the scales had been removed from her spiritual eyes that she had known what real love was, the most unselfish love of all.
“God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believes in Him would not perish but have ever lasting life.” (John 3:16)
With a new burst of energy, she picked herself up out of the mud, wiped the dirt off her face and stood with her back straight and her chin up.
“Okay satan – so you got me on that round. You won that fight, you tripped me up in a moment of weakness and temptation – but let me remind you of this – You *may* have won that round with me but YOU have already been defeated in the war. Jesus DEFEATED YOU by His shed blood and the work He accomplished on the cross. So laugh at the way you just tripped me up – but look at me? STILL I RISE. And I will go forward in His name and I will fight with every bit of strength I have within me. And when I sin, I will confess my sin and ask for His strength so I will be stronger the next time around. Because my strength is not my own – it is HIS. I shall plead His shed blood down upon me and He will wash me clean! Because I belong to HIM. And every time I fall – I will rise UP again because my Savior lives! And just so that you know for me, to LIVE is Christ, to die is to gain because I know that the number of my days HE will fulfill and I also know that it is in Jesus’ name I pray! AMEN”
Did you hear that? It’s the sound of the enemy and his cohorts shrieking. The fiery darts that they tried to throw her way have reversed in direction mid-air and they have become the target. God is on His throne and in control… The thing is, He always has been, since the beginning of time.
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