At some point in your walk, if you haven’t already, you will probably experience a prodigal moment. I would like to positively refer to this as a “growth spurt” in your spiritual walk… For me it was a detour onto a road I had no business traveling. Thinking about it I could slap myself upside the back of my very own feminine head, but the truth of the matter is that what the devil meant for evil – God has used for good.
I will not go into specifics as to what my poor prodigal choice of action was; that is irrelevant because sin is sin and with God there is no degree of sin. There is no such thing as a “little white lie” a lie is simply that – a lie. I have shared my prodigal journey specifically with those that God has put pressed upon my heart to be totally transparent with so that they will learn from my unwise choices and perhaps will help them to avoid making the mistakes I made, and as long as I have breath in my body (and God directs me) I will share it as a learning experience to those He puts in my pathway and indicates I should.
If you are a prodigal and you are reading this post, you need to know that a prodigal state is not one that God has meant for you to stay stuck in. Actually, He never meant you to venture down that path in the first place, but just because you have does not mean it is where you are to remain; and should you feel down upon yourself to the point that you feel you can’t get out of whatever situation you are in, you need to not be afraid or ashamed to ask for help with either a counselor, a minister, a close friend/family member and definitely to your Heavenly Father who sees and knows all through prayer.
I know what it feels like to feel alone in a room crowded with people. You feel as though you are screaming so loudly inside your head that you can’t understand how or why it is that no one else can hear it! The pain is excruciating and while you may be able to smile on the outside; inside you are feeling like one hot mess. Most of the time the situation is magnified much more in our own heads than it actually is in reality. That is why it helps if you find someone you can feel comfortable sharing it or bring it to your Father in prayer. But you need to know that you are not alone. Nor are you the only person to go through whatever it is that you are experiencing. You would be surprised to find out just how many others have been in the same boat as you. But unless you share what you have/are experiencing you feel like you are alienated from everyone else – YOU ARE NOT. Truly there is nothing new under the sun.
Ecclesiastes1:9-10 tells us:
“What has been will be again, what has been done will be done again; there is nothing new under the sun. Is there anything of which one can say, “Look! This is something new”? It was here already, long ago; it was here before our time.”
I speak from personal experience, so I know, dear prodigal. I opened a door that I had no idea what lay behind it. There were all kinds of warnings that should have made me back off, but I chose to disregard those warnings, curiosity and maybe even a sense that I could handle it got the best of me and once I opened that door, I was spiritually not strong enough to close it. Actually, I could have walked away at any time, but I chose not to.
1 Corinthians 10:13 Says:
“No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.”
Part of recovering from a prodigal period is taking full responsibility for your actions.
Prodigal, hear me. You are *not* alone. Don’t go by your feelings because right now they are probably all over the page and they can be deceptive. God is WITH you. He loves YOU. You may have made an unwise choice, but it doesn’t mean that God can’t direct you back on the pathway you need to be on. How long you decide to remain in that position is totally dependent upon YOU. This is where prayer comes in. I know that there is a strong sense of shame going through your mind, I know you feel like you are too weak and don’t have the strength or the know-how to get out of the situation, but the truth is you DO and you CAN. You just need to change your mind. Get MAD. I did! I found myself disgusted, discouraged, depressed and just at a point where I couldn’t stand it anymore!
No one can tell me that God does not have a sense of humor – He does! For me, I started thinking of things like the Christmas Cartoon “Santa Claus is Coming to Town” Where young Chris Kringle is encouraging the snow monster to change, telling him:
“Put one foot in front of the other
And soon you’ll be walking across the floor
Put one foot in front of the other
And soon you’ll be walking out the door”
(Written by: BASS, JULES / LAWS, MAURY Lyrics © Warner/Chappell Music, Inc. Lyrics Licensed & Provided by LyricFind)
But the truth is, that is what it takes – a change of mind and a willingness to take the ground that you have lost back. Step by step, one step at a time with God’s help.
It is strange, isn’t it? We can be ever so patient with other people, but often times we do not give ourselves that same courtesy. Of course, with each step I took, I prayed and eventually God brought people into my life who had experienced the same prodigal experience I had AND had grown stronger for it! Whatever your situation, you are not the first and you are not alone.
“Lord forgive me, Lord help me. I don’t know WHY I allowed myself to get in this situation, but I know that I can only get through it with your help. I can’t do it on my own accord. I need YOU.”
I will tell you what you probably already know – that there are ramifications for whatever prodigal path you have chosen to take. I am not in a prodigal situation anymore but there has been residue from the pathway I put myself in. I think the hardest part is coming back to the question as to why I even allowed myself to venture down a pathway I had no business going down and then learning to forgive myself for it. You see, once you ask God’s forgiveness the Word says in Psalm 103:12:
“He has removed our sins as far from us as the east is from the west”
Often time the problem is that we can’t forgive our own self, and we continuously beat ourselves up by going over and over what we’ve done. Rehashing it, dissecting it, or self-abusing ourselves with something we need to learn from, put behind us and move on. You need to do this because once you have become an ex-prodigal, you realize that you are really not a prodigal at all, you are a child of God, one that is growing, learning and realizing that it is only the grace, love, mercy and forgiveness of God (in other words the covering of the blood of Jesus) that allows you to enter into a relationship with God at all. You are not under the condemnation of the Old Testament, but you are covered by the precious blood of Jesus and under the New Covenant – grace.
I’m not going to lie to you and tell you that it is easy. It’s not, although I am no longer a prodigal, my prodigal experience happened 15 years ago, but I still wrestle with some of what I experienced. Coming back from being a prodigal is a painful journey home. There are things that are hard to let go of and change. But I have learned so much more from having had a prodigal experience in my life. It has changed who I am. It has made me more compassionate, more understanding, less judgmental. I believe I have learned to listen clearer. I can say that it has drawn me closer to God because I realize how much I need Him, how dependent upon Him I am. How much I love Him. How much I want to be in the center of His will because I know what it is like to step outside the will of God (and it is a very lonely, scary place to be). I am more convinced than ever that I don’t ever want to feel far away from Him again. I want to cleave to my Father. I want to glorify Him and show others how GOOD He is. Maybe that is why God gracefully allows us to experience prodigal moments because He knows that when we make the journey back home, we will have a better knowledge of why He says “no.” It’s not because He is being a “mean Father” it’s because He knows what is best for us, what is good for us, what is not, what will hurt us and the truth is, we really don’t.
I still struggle with decisions I make; I am less sure of myself, and I believe this is part of the residue of bad decisions I chose and a door I had NO business opening. I could spend my lifetime beating myself up over it or I can humbly decide to hold tight to my Father’s hand, squeeze it from time to time and know that He is transforming me into what He would like me to become. He created me, so who knows better than He all of the potential I have to be the beautiful masterpiece He has confidence I will become – the dark hues add to the beauty of the picture and the story that is ME, and because He is no respecter of persons – He can do the same for YOU.
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