There are some days when I wake up just KNOWING God is not done with me.
The kind of day where from the moment I woke up, everyone and everything around me irritated me. Heck, I even felt irritated with my own self and I couldn’t put my finger on the why of it. I was almost at the point of tears, so frustrated with the day – from family to the church message to home duties, I just wanted to throw my hands up in the air (and not in praise). Really, what I was having was a spiritual temper tantrum and it wasn’t until I got quiet to bring my frustration through prayer before the Lord that I heard Holy Spirit whisper the words of Jesus from John 15:12
“My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this; to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.”
I winced… The very LAST thing I was feeling was “love for others.” But the word kept reverberating in my head and every time I heard Holy Spirit’s gentle, quiet voice remind me that Jesus’ said in John 13:34-35
“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”
OUCH. (Can you see me wincing yet again through my screen?)
I had to vent, “Lord, LOVE one another? I have reached a point where I don’t even LIKE people… They are selfish, self-centered, arrogant, argumentative and give me a twitch in my left eye!”
I’m pretty sure Jesus raised His left eyebrow at me in response…
“I CANNOT stand people. You want me to love them?! LOVE THEM??? I don’t even LIKE them. In fact, I wish You would just come back now. NOW! I’m done with them. Finished! DONE!”
At this point the lover of my soul was probably was studying me intently… Quietly because I can tell you even though I was conversing with Him, I could not look Him in the eye. (Spiritually speaking of course…) And then He said it…
“Kelly, do you love me?”
I stopped my rave and winced because I knew where this was going…. Peter has always been my favorite Apostle and I imagine that He must have winced when Jesus asked Him this.
“Lord you KNOW I do.”
“Love my sheep.”
“But Lord, here I am trying to get my OWN walk together! People ANNOY me. They annoy me!”
“Kelly…” Jesus said, “do you believe I love you?”
At this point I wanted to stomp my feet and cross my hands over my chest. “Yes Lord.” There is nothing like having to endure the gentle scolding of the Holy Spirit. You see – if you have truly given your life to Christ, your life is not your own; it is His. Hence, when you invite Holy Spirit into your heart, He decides to do some “renovating of you” moving this here – that there and getting rid of somethings that He feels needs changing within the heart of you. This was one of those moments…
If Jesus could die on the cross for forgiveness of my sins – of which I have MANY. If Jesus could LOVE me during my MOST unlovable moments (of which I have ALSO had many) how could I not obey His greatest command to love others?
I have had to repent and ask God for forgiveness, because this is an area where I have felt weak. In those areas are where ol’ slewfoot knows to attack you most, your areas of weakness. So what do you do? YOU PRAY. Here is what my prayer has been, I share it with you, because maybe Holy Spirit is making YOU wince too? Maybe even as you read these words, He is whispering into your ear something that YOU need to improve on? Need to better? Something you cannot change on your own accord, but something that the Father wants you to bring to Him in prayer. Something that unless you admit it, confess it and ask God to help you with, will keep you stunted in your walk with Him? I don’t know about you, but I want to go higher with the Lord. I want ALL He has for me, I want Him to reside in me and to utilize this life I have given Him to glorify Himself and I don’t want to stand in the way of that happening. This is the “dying to self” part and the realization of what needs changing is hard to admit sometimes, but when Holy Spirit brings something to your attention that needs changing, it is not because He “expects” you to change it, we aren’t THAT powerful, He brings it to your attention so that you can see what it is and allow Him to change what needs changing within you (and within me). Our responsibility, is to be open to that change… Allow Holy Spirit to walk us through the “spiritual growing pains” and to help us grow in Him. He brings it to our attention for a reason, and unless we submit to it, we can be our own stumbling blocks in our walk with Him. I don’t want that – do you?
“Father, thank you for not giving up on me. Thank you for seeing the good, the bad and the ugly within me and directing my attention to it. Thank You for being the “lifter of my head.” Thank You for NEVER leaving me or forsaking me during the times when I am at my most disappointing to You. Thank You for wanting to change those things deep within me that need changing. Forgive me. I willfully choose to have an attitude adjustment. Lord, if there be any evil within me, or anything that is displeasing to You, please change it. I confess that I don’t know HOW to do it on my own, I need You. I am not capable of doing it but I know I belong to the One who is. I turn this area of my life over to You trusting that You will accomplish Your good and perfect will in my life. Show me how Father, change my heart. Be glorified in my life. I’m so sorry Father, help me to walk according to Your Word. Fill me with Your love and heal those areas deep within me that need healing, I know that bitterness, resentment and hatefulness are not fruits of the spirit – so cast them way from who I am, in Jesus’ name I thank You for transforming my mind. Yes Lord, I love You. Help me walk in Your love. AMEN.”
We are ALL works in progress, there is no shame in that, God knows that; that is why He sent Holy Spirit to reside in us. He knew we needed a Helper. See John 15:26
“But when the Helper comes, whom I will send to you from the Father, the Spirit of truth, who proceeds from teh Father, He will bear witness about me.”
He also said in John 14:16 “And I will ask the Father, and He will give you another advocate to help you and be with you forever.”
and also in John 14:26
“But the Advocate, Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you.”
What is our responsibility? It is to LET HIM. Let Him. L-E-T H-I-M and once you have let Him – TRUST Him to continue doing a good work in you, that God will be glorified. And He will. He TRULY will.
“Being confident of this very thing, that He, who hath begun a good work in you, will perfect it unto the day of Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 1:6)
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