Once you make a decision to make Jesus your Lord and Savior, your life will surely change. I write this with a smile on my face because 36 years ago I had no idea that praying a simple prayer, would drastically change my life.
God IS merciful. God IS patient. God IS loving. Listen, God IS real. God IS personal and if you give Him a chance, if you let Him into your life, He will show you how personal He is in a way that only you can tell. This is something that I can attest to, this is something that is truer than true, and my prayer is that You WILL “taste and see that the Lord is good.” (Psalms 34:8). BECAUSE HE IS and the only way you can know the truth of my words is to test Him on it. I did and it was the BEST decision I ever made. Your testimony is the story of how Holy Spirit led you into the knowledge that you needed God. It is a precious time that shows when the spiritual blinders are removed from your eyes, your ears hear and your heart FINALLY receives what it is that throughout the course of your life, God has wanted you to know – that He is there, that He loves you, that He has been waiting for you to recognize this, and that you were created to be in a relationship with Him. You are a spirit that has a soul that resides in a body. Your testimony is the love story as to how God bought you into the knowledge THAT HE LOVES YOU. God wants you to be part of His Remnant – He is calling you right now! I pray that you heed this, and that you make the most important decision you will ever make – a decision for Christ. A decision to MAKE Him Lord over your life, a decision to accept and acknowledge Him as your Savior. It IS the most important decision you will ever make for it determines where you will spend eternity. Most people are afraid to think about this, but the truth is none of us are promised tomorrow. No matter WHAT age you are. It shouldn’t be “Oh I’m going to wait until I’m older”, not everyone is given the privilege of growing old. The Bible says, “Choose THIS day who you will serve.” (Joshua 24:15). God is not a “pie in the sky” kind of God, you can’t know or truly understand this until you enter into a personal relationship with Him. Throughout your life Holy Spirit gives you PLENTY of opportunities to do so. But the choice is and always has been, yours. He is a NOW God, not a “wait until this happens” a “then “kind of God. Ol’ slewfoot has blinded people so that they won’t realize what a loving, personal God is the One who created us, in love. He didn’t “make” us robotic without a choice as to whether or not we were going to enter into a relationship with Him. He lovingly (and I think painstakingly) blessed us with “free-will” to choose. How it must hurt Him when we choose everything OTHER than Him. The Bible says in Luke 15:10:
“I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.”
God is not a “mean” Father, God is not this religious figure shaking His finger at you, damning you, critiquing you. Saying, “Off with her head!” Ol’ slewfoot HATES God. He hates Him. He hates ALL that God loves and he HATES YOU. His greatest pleasure is to keep you from a love that is beyond ANYTHING you can compare. To know the absolute LOVING Father who created you. You can read how much satan hates you and desires you to live a God-less life in your Bible, look at Luke 10:18 and Matthew 25:41. Take a look at Isaiah 14:12-14 and Ezekiel 28:12-18. And know that how the world has perceived God to be is NOT the way He is. You can learn about WHO God TRULY is in the Bible. Read it for yourself and before you do, pray for understanding, pray for wisdom and watch and see Holy Spirit guide you into the truth of God’s Word and the truth of God’s character. He will…
As a little girl – I would go with my parents to the summer cottage in the Cape Cod. Oh, how I loved to kick my shoes off and feel the heat (or the coolness depending on the time of year) of the sand under my toes. There was a rocky pier on the beach, where I would go and sit. I loved the spray of salt water that would sprinkle me whenever a wave would crash against the boulders of the pier as I sat. I am someone who feels closer to God by the ocean or in nature. My family would go to the cottage in the Fall, a time when the cottage would be empty of renters and people. I loved the quiet solitude of those days. I think even before I became a Christian at the age of 21, I was always a “thinker.” One of the first introductions I had to “God” was the book – “Are You There God? It’s Me Margaret.” By Judy Blume. On the brink of womanhood, I read that book and I learned soooo much. I began to “talk to God” like the young character of the book did – “Hi God, its ME – Kelly.”
I grew up in a predominately Jewish neighborhood, the daughter of parents who were agnostic they never forced a “religion” upon us. We were free to explore and learn and choose. I started going to church by myself when I was a teenager, I felt something “lacking” deep inside of me. A need to feel closer to God. I chose a church that had solar windows (I thought that was cool). I would walk to the church from home by myself Sunday after Sunday – but the Reverend of that Church only spoke of the history of the Church, which went right over my head. There were “prayer books” in the pews but I didn’t understand them (there were no Bibles in the pews). The people were kind enough – but I still felt that niggling void deep inside of me, and I didn’t know what it was or why.
You see, behind the scenes, in the spiritual realm, Holy Spirit was awakening my heart. We are a spirit that has a soul that is enwrapped deep within a body.
Ever since I can remember – I wanted to be an actress, since the age of three. Talent shows, musicals, plays, make believe – whatever involved theatre – I just had to be a participant, I just knew that when I grew up, I wanted to be an actress; there was no doubt in my mind, that is what I was going to become. And in the spiritual realm, God smiled, because the plans of man are not always consistent with the plans of God. His plans are greater than ours, but God is a patient God, and it was a bunch of events that He allowed to occur in my life that ended up bringing m into the knowledge of Him.
When I was in college, I was the only Theatre major in a school filled with women that were going to be teachers. It was an all-girls college located right across the street from Harvard University, in Cambridge, Massachusetts. I had been told that I would be able to take my theatre classes at Harvard. Looking back at it, I am not sure if it was my guidance counselor who had told me that, but it ended up not being true. Talk about a square peg fitting in a circle setting. Honestly, I didn’t see the need for college – I wanted to get an agent, head out to California and begin to act. Oh, how very wise I thought I was at the age of 17. How naive I was and how little I really knew… Again, in the spirit realm things were stirring up and unbeknown to me, events began to occur in the earthly realm that would eventually cause me to seek God.
I loved the man who raised me, alongside my mother very much. He was my stepfather, but I don’t like calling him that because really, he was my dad. My father was very strict, I grew up with my parents and my brother, living a very sheltered life. It wasn’t until I was a freshman, living on campus that I discovered MEN! And oh, the men that would come to my college because it was an all-girl school! I became a sweetheart (little sister) to a nationwide Fraternity. Parties galore, a whole world I had never imagined! Parties at Harvard University, MIT, Northeastern University – studying? What was that?? I even pledged a sorority – but was appalled by the things they did to us while pledging and couldn’t possibly consider calling someone who spent weeks and weeks tearing me down during the pledging process “sister” and when it was said and done, my whole pledging line – quit.
How interesting it is to be able to look at things now in hindsight, on the other side; to see how the Lord allowed things to take place. Remember, we only see in part, but God sees in full, so NOTHING surprises Him. Thank God He sees in full… While on my way to a pledge meeting (prior to dropping out of the line), my sister pledgers and I were walking down a semi-tough section of town, I had grown up in an expensive town, so I wasn’t familiar with this neck of the woods. A man was running towards us, not to us – but in the same direction, in his hand he had a gun, another man was running after him, yelling, “He robbed my store!”
We quickly got out of the way and someone (I think called the police). In shock and silently, we continued walking towards our destination, sorority sister’s house we had been heading, but I was terrified, crying and trembling, it really shook me up.
Three weeks later, I was at an under 21 club with the same group of friends, a fight must have broken out within the club, and someone yelled in the darkness of the club “He’s got a gun!!!” Again, I was in the midst of unfamiliar territory and worse – caught up in a stampede of people trying to get out the exit door. And yes – it was just like what you see in the movies – when you see cattle charging for whatever reason… How weird it was to feel oneself being pushed along with the crowd everyone scared and wanting to get out as quickly as possible. For a young woman who had not witnessed anything violent – these two experiences shook my foundation to the core.
I have lived a very sheltered life, I’m not ashamed of it, my parents worked very hard to provide for my brother and I, and I love and appreciate them for all they tried to shield us from. I have wonderful memories of my childhood. I never did drugs, never witnessed violence, never experienced anything outside the protective fold of my close-knit family. Unfortunately, I was unprepared for dealing with things that were outside my realm of experience. Honestly, I really was unaware that anyone lived differently than we did, so when God allowed me to experience situations beyond my experience, it was a genuine culture shock to my system. It absolutely terrified me, causing me to feel small and vulnerable… Shortly after that time – my grandfather died. Now in a Portuguese family, the grandfather is really the head of the family. I loved my grandfather. We had a very dear and special relationship. And although my family would probably laugh and probably each of us grandchildren will say the same thing “I was his favorite.” Of course, I’d be the only one telling the truth… (I’m winking at you).
When my grandfather died – I was undone. I was at the end of my rope. There HAD to be more to life than just this, it was at this point I was approached (while waiting for the bus one day), by a certain cult we are all very familiar with and I shall not name. They asked me if I wanted to study the Bible and I agreed. I began to study with them, much to the dismay and fear of my mother. She was so fearful that she made an appointment for me to meet with the Reverend of the Church I have previously mentioned above, the solar church that I had gone to by myself as a young girl, she even went with me to talk with him.
The Reverend sat behind his large cherry wood desk, with the religious scenes portrayed in the stained-glass windows behind him, he smiled warmly at me calmly and said, “So Kelly, your mother tells me you have questions for me?”
And I did indeed. You see the cult I had been studying with had prepared me for this conversation. I turned to him with my first question, and asked – “Do you believe we are descendants from Adam and Eve?”
He looked at me and said (this is the truth) “Well, I don’t really know… We could be descendants from monkeys for all I know…”
I looked at him and blinked. I proceeded to ask him my next question:
“Do you believe that there will be a judgement day?”
He looked at me again and answered, “Could be… Could be not… We may all be blown up in a nuclear war – who knows?”
I looked at him in astonishment and I grew even more confused, I wanted to ask why he was Reverend if he didn’t believe things that were key to his Christian faith?
There are dead churches that do not teach the Word of God. Churches that have a “spirit of religion” (just as the Pharisees were religious). Churches that do not lead people to Christ but are more concerned with “social status” or just promote religious tradition. I have come to know as I continue to grow in Christ, that the church is NOT a place, it is a body of believers that makes up the body of Christ, with Christ being the head. (I have written about this in a blog post entitled, “Here’s the Church, Here’s the Steeple, Open the Door, Here’s all the People.”) Churches that portray God as being a stern disciplinary father who is always angry with you or that use their leaders to physically abuse young children by beating their hands with rulers, or emotionally abuse them keep them from viewing God as the loving Father that He is, are not teaching as Jesus did, and Jesus IS to be our example… I believe those who have done that (under the false pretense of serving God) will be held accountable for their actions. The Bible says in Matthew 19:14:
“Suffer not the little children to come unto Me, for of such is the Kingdom of Heaven.”
It also says in Luke 17:2:
“It would be better for them to be thrown into the sea with a millstone tied around their neck than to cause one of these little ones to stumble.”
God’s Bible is a LOVE letter written to us to show us Who He is, what He has done for us in that love, and what He is going to do. It should lead people TO Him and not away. The book of Revelations is the one book in the Bible that has not occurred yet, and it speaks very clearly of how God expects the churches to be…
At any rate, the meeting with that Reverend made me determined not to ever go back, but again, unbeknown to me, God was allowing Holy Spirit to stir up my heart, and interesting thing began to happen, although I had not become a “member” of the cult I had been studying with, as I continued to study with them, the spirit of fear would come upon me. I did not realize what it was at the time, because I was spiritually blind. But the feeling of fear would continue to grow as the cult continued to push me to make a decision to join them, and as they pressured me make a decision to do so, they insisted on separating more and more from my family, and my parents and my brother meant the world to me. Strong feelings of uneasiness began to occur to the point where I finally told them I wouldn’t study with them anymore. Oh, and ol’slewfoot and his dominions were angry with that decision! The woman who had been teaching me was furious and made it a point of telling me so, (unfortunately for her, since I wasn’t a Christian yet and I had what they refer to as a “Portuguese temper” after she told me where I would go IF I did NOT join her cult, she found herself on the receiving end of my temper as I held open the door to my studio apartment and told her just what she could do with her little red book!) And from that point on, I determined in my head that my relationship with God – would be JUST THAT, MY relationship with God. No one else’s business.
It wasn’t until a couple of years later (when I transferred over to continue my education at another university), I was in-between classes, the university was having a Fleamarket event, different booths with different items and subjects and people hanging around talking. As I walked around looking at each table at the different booths, I came across a table with something that had little religious Christian tracks (or pamphlets on it). I stopped for a moment to look at what they were, there was girl my age, sitting behind the table, she asked me if I wanted to talk about God. I looked at her with an eyebrow raised and said firmly – “NO.” She indicated to me that she was a member of Campus Crusade for Christ of the Intervarsity Fellowship program at the school, and I was welcome to join them for prayer or Bible study early in the morning. I looked at her, blinked and said..”Thanks, but no thanks.” and kept on walking.
A few weeks later, one morning I arrived at school early, before any of my classes had begun. I wandered around the university and found myself outside of the chapel. I went inside to sit in one of the pews, so I could “talk with God” by myself. I felt an overwhelming emptiness inside of me and no matter what I had tried to fill it up with – auditions, Shakespeare, Plays, partying, friends, men – it would not go away. As I mentioned in the beginning of this blog, it was a niggling feeling. One that made me feel as though there had to be MORE to life than just THIS. Along came “Julie” the girl I met on the Fleamarket. She came quietly and sat beside me and said, “I’ll leave if you want me to – but it might be helpful if you share what you’re feeling with someone.” I hesitated at first, and then I did. I shared with her all of what you have just read, and she told me she wanted me to meet the Director of the Intervarsity Fellowship Program, would I come back tomorrow? The next day – I came back. It was early morning. To my surprise, students were gathered around in chairs sitting in a circle reading from the Bible. There was only one seat left, a spot on a sofa, next to this very tall, very slender, elderly black woman. I looked at her and thought “Good for her! College is for any age!” And I sat down next to her, the reading was over in a few short minutes. Julie approached me and said, “Hi Kelly! Glad you could make it! I want you to meet Sarah Small, the Head of the International Varsity Fellowship Program.” She turned to the woman next to me, who threw me a huge warm smile and greeted me with a big hug and with a wonderful southern accent, said, “Praise the Lord Kelly! Ahhh have heard all about’cha. I’m sooo glad you came to join us today…”
She noticed the little red book I held in my hands. You see, the only ones who had been willing to help me build a spiritual foundation, had been the cult I had studied with, no one had ever taught me otherwise, so that foundation, was still within me. No one had ever taken the time to share the Bible with me. Sarah looked at the book and asked me if she could see it. I handed it to her. She flipped through the pages with a knowing smile. She glanced up at me and she said… “Ahhh have one question for you.” Her beautiful dark brown eyes looked at me wisely. I looked up at her thinking about that Reverend I had met with previously and I smiled. I was ready for her to be as much as a pushover as he was. She paused for a moment before she continued, “Who wrote this book?”
My face crumbled… Such a simple question. Unexpected – and yet there I stood not knowing the answer. Feeling like a fool because there I was believing these beliefs and NOT knowing whose beliefs, I was believing in. I may be many things – but I’ve never been a stupid woman. I’m much smarter than people think… But in this circumstance, my face crumbled, and I began to cry. I felt alone, I felt confused, and I felt very, very lost.
Sarah looked at me compassionately, took both of my hands in hers and said with her musical southern accent, “Kelly, ahhhhh wanna tell you about someone who loves you very much.” (I glanced up at her wondering if she knew one of my fraternity brothers…) She raised my chin with her finger and said, “His name is Jesus Christ. ” (Now you have to remember – I grew up in a predominately Jewish neighborhood. Wonderful rich culture. And while I had learned much about the Jewish faith – I had never learned about Jesus. He was more like a “Christmas fable” to me). Sarah began to tell me about how Jesus had died on the cross for forgiveness of my sins. How he would never leave nor forsake me. How He defeated sin and death by His victory over the cross by rising again. She told me that it wasn’t “church” or a “building” that would save me. She told me she wouldn’t “make me” go to a certain church. She told me that all I had to do – was to believe in my heart and confess with my mouth that Jesus was Lord, and I would be saved. I didn’t see what difference it would make, so i went over the Sinner’s prayer as that goes something like this:
“Father God, I believe that Jesus Christ is Your Only begotten Son, born of the virgin Mary. I believe that He lived and that He died on the cross for forgiveness of my sins. I believe He rose again and is seated at Your right hand and that He will come again. I choose this day to invite Him into my heart to become my Savior, Lord over my life. Please forgive me for my sins and wash me with His precious blood. Jesus, please come abide in me and help me to abide in You. Holy Spirit, I welcome You into my heart. In Jesus name I pray. Amen.”
I honestly did not know at the time what a difference that prayer would make in my life. I had NO idea what was taking place in the spiritual ream while I prayed that prayer. What was happening was the angels were rejoicing in Heaven! That that little “niggling” feeling I had inside of me was completely filled! The spiritual blinders were removed from my eyes, and I had become a new creation in Christ!
I can also remember thinking at that time, “Lord if you are REALLY REALLY REAL – I need you to reveal yourself to me.” I actually prayed that. And THIS is where it all makes a huge difference from religion. It became a personal relationship between me and the One who had sent His Son to die on the cross for me. I was asking God to make Himself REAL TO ME. Not based upon the experience of ANYONE ELSE but based on a one on one – Him and me relationship. I can tell you that since that time, He has and continues to do so. What He has done for ME He will do FOR YOU. You only have to ask.
Sarah gave me a Bible. She indicated to me that I could go out to ANY Christian bookstore and buy a Bible myself. I think it was important to her that I realize that I wasn’t being “forced to learn something, join something or go somewhere” to be close to God. You see when someone has a cult-type of experience, it’s important that they not feel “pushed” into something. I was overly cautious and very appreciative that she was not “making me join a certain church” (although she encouraged me to find a church where i could worship and have a body of other believers around to support me). For the first six months of my new Christian life – i didn’t join a church. I hungered for the Bible. I couldn’t read enough of it. Learn enough about Jesus. The Apostles, the stories in the Old Testament. Suddenly I understood what I was reading, because Holy Spirit was inside of me and helping me to learn. I fell in love with the Lord. His Word I hung onto deep within my heart. You see – it’s not about being “religious” it’s about having a “personal relationship with the Lord.” One where you can be REALLY REALLY REAL. And the most wonderful thing about it – is that He in turn, is REALLY REALLY REAL right back at you…
All of that was 34 years ago, I’m 55 years old now, it’s hard to believe how quickly time has gone. I have learned soooooo much – but I have yet sooo much MORE to learn. That is the most amazing thing about being a Christian – you never stop learning, growing in Him. There is a peace that passes all understanding. And it’s not something I can describe to you because the Bible says – “Taste and see that the Lord is good!” (Psalms 34:8). It’s like trying to describe to someone who has never seen – what the color “blue” is. You can’t. But once you know Him – you really do realize that “He is the Way, the Truth and the Life.”
As I indicted in the beginning of this post, I don’t have all the answers… I am far from perfect, but I can point you towards the One who IS Perfect… His name is Jesus – and while people will disappoint you all the time – HE NEVER WILL. You only have to ask, and I promise you, He WILL respond. I pray you do.
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